Tag: Mom

The KJ at the Karaoke place said that I rocked this song last night. That’s what happens when you sing like you mean it, because you do mean it.

This is the entry where I recognize that I’m not doing well at dating, not just only I am an awkward nerd, but because I haven’t fully gotten over my ex-wife. Cue karaoke. No, no… play that sfx instead where the needle is pulled from the turntable and abruptly stops the music.

One would think I would be stuck in the moment where I found out that she was gay. I processed that moment. Cue sad acoustic cover, low volume. Let that play in the background, while I explain something about the heartbreaking dynamics of a collapsing marriage in America:

The moment that I’m stuck in and can’t get out of is a stupid fight that we had. We had it, and then we had it again. We had it over and over, throughout out marriage. Getting divorced didn’t settle the fight. What was it all about? It doesn’t really matter.

If you are an American kid born in the 70s or 80s, whose parents got divorced (or even if they didn’t but should have), then you know the fight that I am talking about. The specifics of the fight may vary from couple to couple, but the attributes are easy to recognize. First of all, the substance of the fight, is not about something which is high stakes like kids, sex, or money. What makes this fight totally poison, is exactly because its about something stupid. And while it is stupid, it is also the kind of thing that never gets resolved and can’t be resolved. This stupid and unresolvable difference becomes the elephant in the room that no one mentions.

A good portrayal of this sort of fight is in the movie “War of the Roses”. In the early scenes of that movie, there is an auction. Due to a conflagration of circumstances, Michael Douglas losses the auction to Kathleen Turner, and that is how they first meet. The auction item is for a totem. Michael Douglas wants it, should be able be to get, but somehow he can’t because Kathleen Turner clings to it. That totem becomes totemic for their marriage, get it?

I just don’t want another relationship like that, and more or less, that means I don’t really want another relationship. It’s no wonder that in my dreams, I’m breaking up with the girl of my dreams (see first post). Whenever I meet a new girl, I soon find that I’m thinking about exits. Pretty soon, it becomes all I think about: Not how to sleep with her, not how to get that first kiss, not how to get her number, not how to find out more about her, and certainly not romantic things.

No… when I meet a girl, I am already thinking about our breakup.

Based on that: Would you date me? Hell, no. I wouldn’t date me. Emotionally, I’m a pile of radioactive debris. Actually, its worse than that. Radioactive things decay, even if there is a long half-life.

Rather than do litigation, I pressed for a procedure called a “Collaborative divorce.” I won’t belabor the point about what that is all about. However, one thing about a collaborative divorce is that it preserves amicability much better than an adversarial one. Amicability means a degree of stability, which is a welcome respite from the emotional upheaval and financial turmoil of the procedure. But, perversely, the lack of upheaval can make moving on much harder.

It’s just a moment
This time will pass

This afternoon, I took my son for a well check exam. Originally, I had scheduled it to happen over the summer so that he could have up-to-date records for kindergarten, but then my ex started to freak out because he was going to lose his spot in the before & after school programs if I didn’t submit all his forms immediately. It turns out that she was exactly right. So I had to give the school medical exam forms from last year, and hurry up to schedule this doctor visit.

I’m not sure how I feel about a system that would rather tick of the box than wait for better information. And when I say “not sure” I mean… on the one hand it seems bad, but on the other hand, even imprecise information is better than none and why let the perfect be the enemy of the good? But, I digress.

Some other things happened today:

• I had a great conversation with my daughter, as we were going to school. Then, she expressed some really interesting ideas when I got her after school.
• I got a text from my ex-wife asking for my help to get her car fixed. I told her what to do to fix the car that I thought she had. It turns out that she has a different kind of car, so probably haven’t helped her at all.
• I saved a deal at work. Somebody else almost ruined the whole thing by trying to be the lawyer. It almost made me late for my doctor’s appointment. “Seriously, I have to leave, get my son, and take him to the Doctor. Sorry, sir, but this really can wait until tomorrow.” It couldn’t, apparently. But I made it all work.
• I put together a gym bag for tomorrow, but I know that won’t end up going.
• I called my Ex to keep her up to date and to let her know how the Doctor’s appointment went. At first, she seemed annoyed that I was bothering her. But then, I told a few funny stories and she seemed happier. But then, the mood became strange. So I hung up.
• I ate three really unhealthy meals.
• Chemistry.com matched me up with a person from League City (far away) and another person from Seabrook (even further away).
  “No thanks you are too far away.”
• I let the kids be happy, but I was afraid to join them even though they wanted me to join their play. Instead, I withdrew; merely observing them out of the corner of my eye. But then, while they were playing, I lavished affection on my one cat who is always a rascal while ignoring my other cat who is always sweet.
• I thought everything was fine but then my sleepy headed son came out of his room with tears welling up because he couldn’t find his build-a-bear puppy. Looking at his bed, I saw three dozen stuffed animals. I realized that he had previously hidden his favorite one so that I’d pay more attention to him by having to look for it, but then he forgot where he actually hid his puppy and got sad. I found his hidden stuffed animal. After I did, he did a dance of joy on the bed, which got him all riled up. So then we had to kiss each of his animals, and then sing them a story song. This is how the song went:

Mary had a little lamb,
(little lamb, little lamb)
Mary had a little lamb,
whose fleece was white as snow.

Every where that Mary went
(Mary went, Mary went)
Every where that Mary went
the lamb was sure to go

It followed her to school one day
(school one day,school one day)
It followed her to school one day
because it loved her so

All the children laughed and pointedatthelamb (pointedatthelamb, pointedatthelamb)
All the children laughed and pointedatthelamb
because a lamb is like “what the…”

The teacher made one of these faces
(one of these faces, one of these faces)
The teacher made one of these faces
and then said “No lambs allowed”

Mary sat down and cried
(down and cried, down and cried)
Mary sat down and cried
because she didn’t want the lamb to wander off

The teacher had a change of heart
(change of heart, change of heart)
The teacher had a change of heart
and said the lamb could eat outside

Outside is a tuft of grass
(tuft of grass, tuft of grass)
Outside is a tuft of grass
on which the lamb can graze

Just then the lamb offered his opinion
(offered his opinion, offered his opinion)
Just then the lamb offered his opinion
that he would rather learn math

But the teacher didn’t speak lamb
(didn’t speak lamb, didn’t speak lamb)
But the teacher didn’t speak lamb
so this is what she heard

“ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
(ba ba ba, ba ba ba)
“ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
ba ba ba ba ba ba”

My son laughed at the “ba ba” and then told me that he missed Mommy,and that he didn’t like it when she picked him up to sleep at her place. Then with the same wistful tone, he said he wished he could have chair in his room so he could eat snacks at his desk. Then he rolled over and went to sleep.

In case I haven’t hit you over the head with my point, today was like my whole life in microcosm.

I had some more stuff here on an earlier revision but like Michael Jackson turning into a panther and dance-stroying a car, it is gone.