Author: cranky1000

This "Nom de Plume" is on purpose. Don't be a jerk about trying to "out" me. This blog is a new blog. See first post: May 23, 2010 for why

Which describes how you’re feeling all the time

Federal Rule of Evidence 803(3) Then-Existing Mental, Emotional, or Physical Condition. A statement of the declarant’s then-existing state of mind (such as motive, intent, or plan) or emotional, sensory, or physical condition (such as mental feeling, pain, or bodily health), but not including a statement of memory or belief to prove the fact remembered or believed unless it relates to the validity or terms of the declarant’s will.

So guess what?

I re-negotiated my divorce so that I wasn’t restricted by geography, quit my job as a corporate lawyer and moved back to my hometown, a much despised city in New York (undeservedly so).

I’m broke and I can’t practice law in the state until I pass the bar exam. I am procrastinating studying evidence right now because the exam is in about 9 days.

I’ve jumped out of my purgatory-like rut of post-divorce uncertainty into the thrilling terror of embarking on a mission of financial obliteration.

And yet… and yet… I feel different. I often feel scared. I often feel sad or lonely. Or all the rest of the bad feelings that I felt in Houston. But I don’t always feel like I am in a loop. And that’s different.

Is different better?

We’ll see. If I pass bar. Excuse me, WHEN I pass the bar, I would like to start a law firm: Collaborative divorces, maybe school law (helping parents get IEPs for their kids), maybe helping charitiable organizations that build up the community, taking assignments (indigent criminal defense), personal injury, civil rights, equity actions…

we’ll see.

Fear and Vacation

The kids have been back for the last few weeks and so has terrible fear.  Fear that things will go wrong at work. Fear that my ex will try to change our deal and will make my life miserable. Fear that illness will strike. Fear that my son will open the door to a stranger while I am on the toilet.

Tuesday night I had a dream that spiders were crawling all over a document that I was supposed to review for work and Ving Rhames and Dwight Eisenhower really wanted the document.  I think they were my client. Anyhow, they were like “C’mon… take care of this!”

I’ve signed up for a Sunday school class this fall about courage.  It’s corny, I know, but what am I supposed to do with this faith? My fears are indicia of my love for the world, and for my sinful pride in my own ability to fix things.

It not been all inky blackness.  The kids have been wonderful and we are getting ready to go on vacation.